Friday 8/7/09

in the evening 8:12 8/7/1963 Lisa Marie Whisenant was born. Hard birth I was 16 she was breech. She was beautiful and so was I. The tragic story I have written about and I guess I will again but todday the sorrow is acute-Lisaa dieddd last yeeaaar 8/11/2008 alone full of pain medicatiions and grief her own child had died the year before.
I feel as though I am wounded by acid thrown and splashing alll over my face. I want to blame myself for being the abandoning mother which is what I was. I ran didn't know how to reclaim all that was lost. The families disbanded-my folks to the mountains and then Denver and the Shisenants to Las Vegas.
I was so ashamed of my mother-loud and crude although she was not. She was simply a strong Aries who had been through hell and was still on her feet. In those years she simply didn't have the energy nor the finances to pamper her fragile and rebellious daughter. My parents paid a high price to get back out of Moscow- we all did. I am grateful to them for leading the way-if we had stayed I would never have learned anything.
Lisa a beautiful and gentle child who just wanted to be loved and I was distracted by not knowing what to do, by the crippling isolation-no one loved the bad girl that I was- acting out stirring up something to keep myself from being alone . Slow moving tragedy never to be undone eending in Lisa's eaarly death. Shawn her brother doing much better but deeply wounded. I call him but am old enough not to push. He spends time with his father for which I am grateful.
OOOH!! Hades Moon-Moon 10+Leo/Pluto 11+Leo squaring Mars and Venus in Taurus and Chiron in Scorpio. The pain of this T-square the basis of everything I mmmmanaged so thaaat I wasn't a total train wreck.
courtney sent me a postcard htaat just sums upp my conflicted mars rising-a little girl sstanding on the FRONT of her fathers skunk train-so full of excitement ready to go for anything but of course totally at risk. Courtney saaid that the photo reminded her of me. HMMM! I saw the wise one shinging through her little girl disquise in that gift. Courtney not just another poor girl but rather someone bright and perceptive.
The days are growing shorter already-past Lamas heading now into harvest. Just walked out to get the paper and once again the beautiful eclipse full moon is shining in the SW aand theere is a huge blossom on the zuchinni plant and even the sage looks full and strong-I planted saaaage next to the zuchinni and the saage is not happy has very weak flavor. the basil and green beans and tomato plants all seem so strong aand full of life. Morning I love morning. There is always a song in me that saayss thank you thank you thank you.
The pupose of the outrageous racism coming from FOX,etc is showing itseelf in the screaming hoardes marching on the Democrats and preventing them from meeting and talking. this is the perfect preview of what the corporations are planning for us- constant programming via FOX, Limbaugh,Hannity, Dobbs,etc. has good people confused. I remember Farncisco telling me that our clerk was forever telling him to listen to FOX if wanted to really know what is going on. this is happening all over the country-the owner of FOX lost 1/2 billion starting the network but now of course it was worth it.
Listening to Lannie Davis argue about Hondurous-what a pig-thought that he was a good guy-he is working for the Honduran Chamber of Commerce (called something else) which means read Lannie has joined the fascists.
At any raate I do see the all out war coming in for 2012-the corporate maasters aaare going to do everything they ccan to gain complete control. I know that in the end they will fail but I also believe blood will be shed before we get there. Pluto in Capricorn will finish up the work of Uranus and Neptune and will usher in a new world in which the US will NOT be the biggest bully on the block-I don't hate my folk but I do hate the actions of the chemical corps,etc. Mansanto's greed has resulted in the destruction of butterfly life and bee life on which our lives depend. I can go on and I will say that I am sure that their are things going on that I never dreamed of yet.