thursday 7/23/09

So I lost an entry because i forgot to go to the program that would allow me to "copy ,paste and save to the desktop". I imagine i will learn to do some real computering at some point.
Now back to what was lost. The theme of the week is: in orer to redeem one must be able to assume. In other words if one wishes to save someone one must be able to become that which one wishes to redeem. this is the theme of "The Taming Of The Shress" and the theme of Liberation Theology. This is also a profound Jungian understanding-we become that which we seek to redeem and we must integrate shadow without being overwhe,med by shadow.
I was overwhelmed by shadow in my 30's because my perfectionist worldview did not allow shadow.
I now know that I was sttempting to cover-up the failure in too early maternity that led me to abandon my beautiful babies to their paternal grandparents. The greatest fear I had was my innate inferiority and when "she" finally appeared I simply surrendered to her and therefore destroyed my life-what Kimn referred to as wallowing the shadow. At least Saturn in the 4th prevented all out surrender to the destructive forces within-at least I now have a pension to supplement my SSA but I absolutely trashed my social identity by taking up with Roland and making drug and alcohol use an acknowledged part of me.
We are having curry tonight. Courtney will make chicken curry and I am making a quick chutney and kidney bean curry and raita. We will serve jasmine rice with it. courtney and I will cook-so much fun to have a grown-up granddaughter who likes to cook.